pulling myself to the river to cleanse

Osho says " To transform breakdowns into breakthroughs is the whole function of a master. The psychotherapist simply patches you up. That is his function. He is not there to transform you. You need a meta-psychology, the psychology of the buddhas.
It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough. It does become, but these things cannot be guaranteed.



... pushing through new beginnings...

i'm using my past wisdoms
as totems
guiding my human self
to remember, rejoice, and honor
the substance gained from the pain
from retracting my petals
from making my spirits' lessons so heavy
monumental, distorted in size

sometimes my fears stumble me back blurry
submerged in wet, cold & foggy comparative structures
sizing myself up like my talents and flaws
could actually ever be geometrically compartmentalized
when the essence of me is DIVINELY WHOLE...


being free means
approving, laughing, and celebrating
of all aspects
of my WHOLE
seeing the messages that my receptive, giving womb-web world
is holding up
to my endless inner-valley of love
saying, "love this now...you are ready -
integrate this now..."
i receive complete liberation
complete timelessness complete vast SPACE
from surrendering to love
from remembering to let go
from caressing
my young girl hands to loosen their grip
in this moment
my words are
coaxing my child self to
uncurl my quivering
tightly pried fingers
off my mental heart valves
and let my mind breathe...let my body coast...

if all begins and ends within
then the people in our lives
are here to show us about ourselves
our joys, our fears, our sorrows, our wounds, our passions

"both love and lust are necessary"

im seeking emotional balance
swimming through pulsating tendrils
pumped with fear and passion and
a wavering self-guide that knows
how & when to offer equilibrium
- yet struggles at times -
seeking intense self-protection
the red black tendrils of my inner worlds
grasp and grasp and grasp
unaware that with every directionless grasp
breaths of energy is pulled away
from my higher self's restorative efforts
my sweet fear-spawned tendrils in immediate need of guidance
unaware that the everlasting aura of protection and security they crave
comes as a LIVE breathing practice of embodying universal trust
reminding myself that i am the master with the lasso
reminding myself that all beginnings carry a death
and i must take time to purify the death
to assist it in its passing
and put it to rest...radiating my spirit's
light of acceptance in its passing...

you may be put to rest now
your weary compulsions can discharge
i am grateful for the wellspring of
feminine and masculine vulnerability
that your nerves and stress and strain
offered me
& i relinquish your once un-tame-able
nature...i have tamed you now my doting fear
you may lie in your complete color-bright
transformative beauty
you've taught me better


you've taught me to TRUST, to focus on ELEGANTLY RADIATING MY PASSIONATE LOVE ENERGY FORCE, and TO SIMPLY ENJOY

- thank you -