pulling myself to the river to cleanse

Osho says " To transform breakdowns into breakthroughs is the whole function of a master. The psychotherapist simply patches you up. That is his function. He is not there to transform you. You need a meta-psychology, the psychology of the buddhas.
It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough. It does become, but these things cannot be guaranteed.



... pushing through new beginnings...

i'm using my past wisdoms
as totems
guiding my human self
to remember, rejoice, and honor
the substance gained from the pain
from retracting my petals
from making my spirits' lessons so heavy
monumental, distorted in size

sometimes my fears stumble me back blurry
submerged in wet, cold & foggy comparative structures
sizing myself up like my talents and flaws
could actually ever be geometrically compartmentalized
when the essence of me is DIVINELY WHOLE...


being free means
approving, laughing, and celebrating
of all aspects
of my WHOLE
seeing the messages that my receptive, giving womb-web world
is holding up
to my endless inner-valley of love
saying, "love this now...you are ready -
integrate this now..."
i receive complete liberation
complete timelessness complete vast SPACE
from surrendering to love
from remembering to let go
from caressing
my young girl hands to loosen their grip
in this moment
my words are
coaxing my child self to
uncurl my quivering
tightly pried fingers
off my mental heart valves
and let my mind breathe...let my body coast...

if all begins and ends within
then the people in our lives
are here to show us about ourselves
our joys, our fears, our sorrows, our wounds, our passions

"both love and lust are necessary"

im seeking emotional balance
swimming through pulsating tendrils
pumped with fear and passion and
a wavering self-guide that knows
how & when to offer equilibrium
- yet struggles at times -
seeking intense self-protection
the red black tendrils of my inner worlds
grasp and grasp and grasp
unaware that with every directionless grasp
breaths of energy is pulled away
from my higher self's restorative efforts
my sweet fear-spawned tendrils in immediate need of guidance
unaware that the everlasting aura of protection and security they crave
comes as a LIVE breathing practice of embodying universal trust
reminding myself that i am the master with the lasso
reminding myself that all beginnings carry a death
and i must take time to purify the death
to assist it in its passing
and put it to rest...radiating my spirit's
light of acceptance in its passing...

you may be put to rest now
your weary compulsions can discharge
i am grateful for the wellspring of
feminine and masculine vulnerability
that your nerves and stress and strain
offered me
& i relinquish your once un-tame-able
nature...i have tamed you now my doting fear
you may lie in your complete color-bright
transformative beauty
you've taught me better


you've taught me to TRUST, to focus on ELEGANTLY RADIATING MY PASSIONATE LOVE ENERGY FORCE, and TO SIMPLY ENJOY

- thank you -

tru madre tierra es me...

luving thru the last licks of fear


im opening
rising
surprising myself

this girl-mind,
once so untrained

is swiftly
mopping up
its mess


II my luvs’ past luv

there was something
in your spin

i felt it too

when i peered
into the abyss
hidden behind
your brown eyes

i shivered for weeks,
feeling fresh ghosts
inside me move

i saw my past
and future selves in you

rejecting
a strength
in you

rejecting
a strength
in me

i now remember
to believe
in the transcendence
of we.



rhythm][me


im loving me boo
through the last licks of fear

tending my wounds
'n remembering my use

releasing & hydrating the mind.

today


i am

breath in & out


my healing hands

full of endless light

dote & rock

live-in
worry-dancer
mental-frames

into bliss


chest liberates
in & out

as i
remember
my mind's eye

is fated
to believe
in me.




ready

feeling
guitless
'bout these mind trips


as i dipdip


she spirals
in her glory
'round me

she spirals
fo' free

an instigator

shouting silence
between
our dendrites


we release.

Remembering Our Roots; Tending to Our Seeds

On Academic & Personal Wellness

[This is a working title, so bear with me. ]



...so here's how it went down & how it's goin' [...right now]

On that glorious
sun beaming day
my limbs hung on my sockets with an unordinary trust;
i felt fuller than usual, the excessive worry-burst imaginations that commonly trapezed the lands of my mental reality were quiet in their beds (later I learned that they, the uneven thought forms, in clear discernible fact, had not self-directed their quietude, but, instead had succumbed with great f{r}ight to the fire of love that was glowing in my deep.lagoon.swoonpit during all of my lifespaces!

((((((00000000000000000000000000000000000000))))


there was something in the air on 24th & San Pablo, a scent I'd only recently woken up to. This scent was familiar, winding its way in and out of the energetic circumference that is me. A character implanted into the sssssweetlyreceptive mind/body whispers "why did it take so long for me to smell...that...those roses...they are wilting...and i am a gardener..."


the wise woman in me interjects..."It doesn't matter...you're...here now....DO...."

Cultural Critique

On Socially Programmed Divisions

A thriving people need visibility, respect, and education. Empowerment simply will not occur without personal agency and knowledge of history. And no matter how much we want to justify our biases, the truth remains that steps toward progress will be in vain if we step dividedly.

The recent turn of events surrounding undocumented immigrants in the United States has demanded that I see our commonalities in a different respect. Immigrant rights are queer rights. As June Jordan so eloquently articulates in A New Politics of Sexuality, freedom is indivisible, and to divide ourselves into easy-to-reference categories creates a culture of compulsive taxonomy where the emphasis is on labeling, not truly seeing each other.

Presently, I fear our critical and over-active minds have tricked us again. We've lost ourselves in impassioned discussions of “immigrant rights” or “lesbian rights” without understanding that, as long as these discussions take place separately, we've signed the dotted line on a promissory note entitled We Are Not One.

Excutive Summary & Solutions Proposal

Leadership Public Schools

Cultural & Academic Blueprint

College Park, Oakland, California

June 2009

Submitted by

Andrea Danielle Guy-De la Selva

AREAS OF PRIMARY CONCERN:

All concerns are intersectional, informing and influencing the symbiosis of our school culture. All observations and solutions provided below are site specific.

1. Teacher Success
2. Student Success
3. Leadership Success

DELTAS:

1. Effectively communicating, motivating, and teaching our English Language Learner population (College Park: 66% Latino, of the 66%, 44% are ELL)
2. Student to teacher ratio
3. Putting students in positions where leadership (w/in student authentic contexts: self, community, school, etc.) takes healthy flight

SOLUTIONS:

ELL Population
Effectively communicating, motivating, and teaching ELL population
(College Park: 66% Latino, of the 66%, 44% are ELL)

In a student-led/created/regulated Bilingual Social-Aid Club members are invited to learn English/Spanish in an open and non-threatening environment (eliminating language performance fatigue/pressure). The club dynamic is woven w/ strategic power shifts (student-teacher knowledge/skill share [as opposed to traditional focus on teacher as convoy and disseminator of knowledge]). Students design language themes; will be schooled in the process of leading group activities, lesson planning, etc. The desired member population is diverse, w/ the club inviting an array of 1) ELL students who attend LPS 2) Teachers who understand membership as an intrinsic part of professional and cultural development 3) Parents seeking bilingualism.

Student to Teacher Ratio
In circumstances where the student to teacher ratio provides an unfortunate barrier to the critical learning process, the following accommodations are suggested.

Teacher’s Assistants—the cost effective way: Tap into resources on the teacher track; many future teachers need to fulfill required standards of student-teaching and are willing to co-teach and/or help the lead teacher guide and create a “teacher presence” in the classroom (high student populations in the classroom can lead to destructive student-teacher tension when the student feels their needs are not being met because of an excessive and unrealistic student/teacher ratio). Additionally, develop relationships with parents and invite able parents/familial representatives to play a role in their child’s education by volunteering in the classroom. This can lead to a myriad of perks benefiting all, such as lasting teacher-parent-student bonds that simultaneously increase enrollment, and empower parents to take an active role in their child’s education. Many school districts have had great success with this familial involvement model, including SRLDP (School Readiness and Language Development Program) a student-first prototype that mandates a representative of the students’ family volunteer in the classroom twice monthly.

Student Leadership
Putting students in positions where leadership (w/in student authentic contexts: self, community, school, etc.) takes healthy flight

Student leadership development and school morale are inextricably bidirectional. Providing strategic spaces for student-growth is key. Maintaining a comprehensive student counsel that authentically and responsibly celebrates the voices, concerns, and needs of the students and the community in which the students live. This leadership dynamic will not only boost student morale (which will help maintain robust and consistent enrollment) but will provide students with contextual leadership experience. Student counsel will differ from other student counsels in that the counsel will realistically address changes that can be made within the school and community culture. The counsel will serve as conduit for student-administration communication, and will act as the nucleus, or, major center where other student-led organizations collaborate (for instance, a student group that wishes to sprout a community beautification campaign will meet with student counsel in a think-tank fashion, and communicate their needs and wants as necessary).

Editorial

Mills College Fetish Ball: Transformers,
Paddles and Whips, Oh My!

The décor was set to a fabricated velvety red, the air a smoke-filled gray (compliments of a rented party fog machine, no doubt). Shoulders relaxed from sangria embodied the room as heavy industrial beats pulsed, causing the walls to reverberate with anticipation - anticipation for the locally celebrated dance group, “The Transformers.” The hostess proudly announced the group's presence and the crowed cheered, their voices cascading in momentary liberation. It was transformer time.

Upon viewing the slyly cropped hairstyles and faux facial hair of the female dancers, it was clear that great preparation had been taken to challenge conventional perceptions of female and male attire. With charm, sex appeal and grace, the transformers moved in synchronicity, dancing debonairly to pop-culture hits such as Justin Timberlake’s teen-puppet-gone-rebel’s “Rock Your Body” and to hip tunes by Christina Aguilera (an openly gay ally who received an award from The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, GLAAD, in 2003).

The Transformers' performance art also included a skit that delivered a clear message against abstinence only programs. These sassy lasses (or should I say lads?) are crystal clear about what they want to transform: sex-education delivered from a traditional heterosexual perspective. What’s next on their list of manifestations? “Sequin suits and a performance piece that demonstrates how important it is to love our bodies” said Ixquel Sarin, of the group. With all this inspiration, I’m going to dust off my Janet Jackson jumpsuit ala Poetic Justice and pump it up to Aretha’s R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Who’s with me?